Lucky Seven Meme
Here is my lucky seven meme. I cheated a bit. I wasn't quite up to 77 pages so I used the last page I wrote.

...She shuddered as if the thought of it made her skin crawl. Remi watched her huff to her car and peel out of the drive way. He wondered why she really wanted him out of here. It had to be more than the fact he was gay. How much was land going for around here anyway? She could be profit driven. Is there something valuable on his land? Oil in these hills? He chuckled as he thought of the Beverly Hillbilly's. As he decided to explore the barn he realized he was humming the theme song of the Beverly Hillbilly's.

The rules for the Lucky Sevens Game are these:
*Open the document for your current MS/WIP
*Go to page 77
*Go to line 7
*Copy the next 7 lines (sentences or paragraphs) and post them exactly as they are written. No changing or cheating!
*Tag 7 authors and let them know.

End of School...Happy Dance.
June 18th is Ana's last day of school. This makes me happy. Hello summer. Hello no 7am wake ups. Hello warm days, cool pool. That is all.

Spelling Bee drop out
OK. I just need to put this out there. I'm spelling deficient. I spell so poorly that sometimes spellcheck goes WTH? I am watching The National Spelling Bee. Some of these words I have never heard of in my life. Some I couldn't guess the first letter. I am fine with this. That is what spellcheck is for, right? I know I am intelligent. (hee hee I just spell intelligent wrong) Thank God for word processors. That's all I'm saying. I can point to my elementary school as the beginning of this problem. I was a avid reader jumping ahead of the other students right from the start. I moved up to the highest reading levels. These higher levels assumed a knowledge of phonics that I just skipped right by. Then in 4th grade I was taught speed reading. Speed reading is great. I can read a book in a day and still have time to cook dinner and (marginally) take care of my kids. But it wrecks havoc with spelling. I basically read the beginning and end of a word, get the guise and move on. I see words as pictures. A complete unit. Not made up of letters with distinct sounds. Anyway, that's my excuse. I had a teacher who said I insult my readers with my spelling. That may be true. I hope not.

I am Here.
So I thought I'd better write in this journal. After all It's a paid account and everything. I'd like to say I'm so busy I haven't had time, but meh. I have no excuse. More like the lack of things to say. I trip though my days driving kids, washing dishes and attempting to get creative things done. Not the most interesting or exciting life. School is winding to an end, which I am grateful. No more 7 am wake up calls. No more rushing out in the middle of something to do a school pick up at 3:30. So here is my goal. Write here (nearly) everyday. I know I have made promises before. I have broken this very same promise, in fact. But believe in me. Know that if I'm not writing I am probably thinking about writing. Sometimes that's as close as it's going to get.

Tarot from Last Night
I pulled out my Tarot cards last night for the first time in a loooong while. I used the Celtic Cross layout because that is the one I remember best. It is always enlightening how the Tarot can pick up what concerns and feelings that you are experiencing. I'll try to be brief since I don't know how to put something under the cut. (anyone?)

Card 1 (Surrounding influences) 5 cups This is the card that represents the the crux of the matter. It is telling me to move on from past hurts and problems and concentrate on what is left.What is gone is gone. (Ahem... yes)

Card 2 ( Opposing forces both negative and positive) 9 wands This is a positive card. It is telling me through there may be minor glitches I am almost there. It is time to plan on the next course.

Card 3(Foundation- past basis) 4 pentacles I am clinging to the past afraid to move from what I feel comfortable. (Anyone who knows me knows this is so true)

Card 4 (Behind- influence passing away) High Priestess She represents intuition. I need to ferret out something that is hidden.

Card 5 (Crowning possible future) Knight of Swords He is telling me to get off my ass and just do it already.

Card 6 (Before- forces already in motion that may manifest) 3 cups Another intuition card. I need to follow what my intuition is already telling me is right.

Card 7 (Feelings-fear) 4 cups I am overlooking the obvious in my search for fulfillment. I have been disregarding opportunities for growth. ( Again fear of change)

Card 8 ( Opinions of others) Page of Pentacles I am at a lost for the interpretation of this card???

Card 9 (Hopes) Justice This is the card of balance. I will succeed only if I balance my creativity with my need for income.

Card 10 ( Outcome) Strength It is time to seize control of my destiny and go forward with my plans.

After the reading I did 2 things. 1- I wrote an e-mail to a local fabric shop that has a classroom asking for information about teaching classes on costuming and corsets. 2- I wrote an e-mail to the organizers of a Steam mimi-con to reserve a table.

Moving forward folks.

Please Sir May I have More..?
I have been in an insufferably whiny, feel sorry for myself stage this week. Honestly I have nothing to complain about. I have shelter. I have family. I can pay bills in an irregular who is screaming the loudest kind of way. Yet there is something poking at me. A creepy, crawling demon clinging on my shoulder whispering in my ear. "More, more." It is a shadowy feeling. I try to capture it but it alludes me. More. More. More. More what? Passion? Freedom? I can feel it pulsing beneath my skin. It aggravates me that I can't figure out what is bothering me. I ache for *it* I just don't know what *it* is.

On the flip side of more is *fear*. Fear is my shell. Fear keeps me from trying new things. Fear keeps me from expressing myself. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of people judging me. I am afraid of losing the people I love. What if they don't like the me beneath the surface? I am a coward.

So I need to reach out bit by bit. Test myself. Take some risks. I am 50 years old for goodness sakes. I think it's time to find myself.

I Have Nothing
There are days when I feel I have absolutely nothing to contribute. No words, no deep thoughts, no amusing tidbits. Hello and goodbye. That's all I have some days. On these days my drawings are whack, my words are stinted, I can't do stuff at the studio. Unfortunately there are more bad days than good. I almost ( note almost) wish I didn't have the brilliant days. Then I couldn't worry about the days when nothing goes right. When I have a bad day I know I what I have accomplished in the past. Then I am annoyed that the day is being wasted. Today is one of those days. In fact this weekend was a complete wasteland. I get so frustrated. I feel like throwing stuff at walls. Of course the more frustrated I am, the more I can't work which just leaves me going Arrrggghhh. My head feels like it is going to explode. OK shut up, Jill. Go to bed.

Tomorrow will be ... whatever it will be.

Watch Out.....Incoming Crap
I am pissy today. I had one of those days that suddenly I think-OMG-I am 50 and have done nothing with my life. Where is my career? What are my accomplishments? Yes. I know. I have a great family. I have worked hard for them. I know that is an accomplishment. I am proud of my girls. I think I am a good mother. But...But...I want more. Is it too late? Am I too old? Who am I? What do I want any way?

Screw this. I am going to bed. And tomorrow I shall reinvent myself.
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Things I'm making
This week I made a manly corset in the style of steampunk. It fits My hubby and he says it is very supportive for his back. He didn't like that it gave him man-boobs. This would not be a problem I think for someone less *squishy*. Sorry no photo of him in it. On Tuesdays Zoe's boyfriend comes down to South Shore to fight and I am planning to used him as a model. He is most definitely not *squishy*.

I am also working on a bustle prototype. I am basing it on the "Canfield Bustle" of 1890's. The first draft is almost done and I am fighting the urge to abandon it to start the next one. I should finish this one to work out all the problems. A trip to the hardware store is on the schedule today. I can hear the conservation now.

Home Depot guy: Do you need some help?
Me: Yes, I need some thin metal strapping.
HDG: What are you making?
Me: I'm making a bustle.
HDG: ????

Vampires and Demons and Humans, Oh My!
Actually this post doesn't have much to do with Demons or Vampires. Though I am in the middle of watching Demons on BBC American. And there are Vampires on it. In fact I have no idea where this is going. I just feel I should post. I have been negligent. The commercials on this show lean heavily towards various match making services. Appealing to geeks home on a Saturday night?

I wonder sometimes if Andy and I filled out one of those dating services if we'd end up matched to one another. We share many of the same interests. Have similar values. We snark at the same things. Yet in other ways we are so different. What kind of questions do they ask anyway? Would our alike-ness bring us together or would our differences keep us apart? After 29 years I guess what we have is what we get.

Sorry this post is an absolute piece of dribble. Better tomorrow.


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